Hail to the King, baby!

I was going to make this into an in-depth post about Creation and Royalty and fantasy religion. But then I realized that no matter how many times I tried to draft it, I was imitating without making it my own. It was YSUN mixed with Ymir or it was Zulin or it was The Authority or it was Brahman. And I realized that a good religion doesn’t arise in a void, it developed over time as part of a bundle of beliefs and explanations. So I’m not going to give you TLN’s Fantasy Religion, because TLN doesn’t have a Fantasy Religion. I’m going to give you a bunch of errant thoughts and see where it takes us.

Everything has a King. Death has a King, Life has a King, Electromagnetism has a King. Water has a King, Oxygen and Hydrogen each have their King. Apes have a King, Snakes have a King, Waterbears have a King, Yeast has a King. Alcohol has a King, Sofas have a King, Shovels have a King, Clouds have a King.

The Kings are, for the most part, the ultimate and some cases the only example of something, be it a physical thing or a metaphysical concept. All things are differentiated and all things follow laws and the only thing that can enforce a law is a King, for they inherit the Divine Right to Rule. There was once only One King, but it was crushed and split under the weight of its own crown.

The Kings are not Gods. Gods are not things that rule, they do not enforce the running of the universe. Gods create and destroy and frolic, free of courtly duties and free from the law. Gods are Fools who remind the King why they rule in the first place.

The Kings are related. The aristocracy is inbred and vast, its alliances and marriages intertwined into a Gordian Knot. The Oxygen King and the Hydrogen King are grandsire to the Water King, the Water King claims to have sired the Life King but other Kings contest this. There is an Animal King and a Plant King and a Fungi King, each siring their own vast legions of lesser Kings.

There are many who claim to be the Human King, but you’ve never met the real one. Supposedly they and the other Sentient Biped Kings (like Elf King, Orc King, and Goblin King) run the show from some eternal tea party somewhere, but really they are all pretty busy making sure all your bodily functions run smoothly.

Sometimes the Kings fight, as is the way of Kings. The Human King has regularly combated the Animal Kings and current keeps a number of their Kings captive. Dog King and Cow King were among the first hostages, and though Human King would think otherwise, Cat King just takes advantage of Human King with the help of Toxoplasma gondii King.

Sometimes a King dies and their princelings vie for their crown. They fight in a grand and extended battle through many thousands of proxies, until one comes out on top. The other princelings continue their duties and their charades at kingship, and the whole thing is called Evolution.

You can be a King too. Go find the current King, kill them, and put on their crown. It is now your job to manage and defend your title. Of course not all Kings are are great at their job. The Thylacine King was killed a bit over a hundred years ago by some jerk named Benjamin Florentine and immediately drove the entire species into the ground.

Occasionally a King goes mad as they remember the time when there was One King and wish to unify once again. The King goes forth and kills other Kings and takes their crowns, they become Double Kings or Triple Kings or more, but down this path leads madness an instability. The Sentient Biped Kings stay hush about Human King who killed their brother, Neanderthal King, and secretly smelted their crowns together.

Long live the King!

To come? Class: Royal Aspirant, Random Table of Metaphysical Courtiers, Monsters: Killing Princes for Profit.

2 thoughts on “Kings

  1. If I were to use this kind of Animism, i'd have some of the concepts incarnated by Queens and not only Kings. Some would need to be some uncommon for their gender, too.
    And their ever changing relationships (or not) would make for interresting divine conflicts…

  2. That would be a fun and interesting take. Kings, for my purposes, is a gender neutral term and the various Kings you might see through my other posts here are more akin to incarnated concepts rather than gendered entities. Aura from "In The Land of Twilight, Under The Moon" also has an interesting take combining my Kingsverse with their more Poetic cosmology if you are interested.

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