Literally Speed.

Whoo! Drug Tables! What is this quack apothecary selling? What is this vagrant snorting? What is in the Marquis’ snuff box? What did Bob the Fighter just stupidly ingest from the dungeon floor?

Unicorn Glue
Pixie Poultice
Bottled Death Rattle
Chimera Seeds
Eldertree Sap
Catoblepas Cheese

Black Hole Spore

Mead of Poetry  Kumis of Koans
Wizard Teeth
Tasty Toads

Unicorn Glue: When properly prepared, Unicorn Glue (yes made out of Unicorn hooves) acts the same as Sovereign Glue. However its primary application is as an intoxicating inhalant. Users experience a euphoric high accompanied by colorful hallucinations and a firm belief that there is beauty in all things. While under its effects, any ability that affects the user due a gaze attack or appearances, such as Medusa’s stone gaze or the horrific appearance of an Elder Thing, instead is treated like the effects of a Nymph’s beauty. Abusers of Unicorn Glue can be identified by their pocked noses from which tiny twisted horns sprout like acne.   

Ready to get really high?

Pixie Poultice: A little bit of fairy dust can make you fly if you hold onto good thoughts. Grind a pixie into paste and smear it on your gums, and you’ll be flying regardless. Users levitate three inches off the ground 1d6 (exploding) hours while experiencing and intensive DMT-like high. Everything feels slower and faster, numb and acutely sensitive, you lose all sense of time and can easily stare at a wall for two hours but only perceive about fifteen minutes of it. Users can move by pushing off of stuff, using their STR or DEX for speed instead of Movement and are unaffected by things like pressure plates and low hanging trip wires. They must, however, succeed a wisdom save any time they want to concentrate on something for more than a round, then save again to break that concentration to something else. Abusers have brilliant turquoise gums, regularly cough sparkles, and are prone to literal flights of fancy.
Bottled Death Rattle: The bottled last breath of a sapient creature, this is a intoxicant favored by necromancers, executioners, and barbers who all have reasonably easy access. While there are purists out there that say the Death Rattle is best consumed fresh and directly from the source, any true connoisseur will tell you that it must be fermented. The fermentation process is largely up to individual preferences, some preferring to let it sit in the sun until it has dried into its essential salts and others preferring to keep it in a deep dark place to condense into the purest thimbleful of liquid. The most important part is that the cork have a correctly chosen tuning fork in it to keep the rattle vibrating at the correct tone.  When properly made, a dose of injected Death Rattle will significantly numb the imbiber’s physical senses and emotional capacity while increasing their focus significantly. For eight hours they will be immune to pain effects and all emotion effects (positive and negative) and furthermore have a +2 advantage on any check that requires their undivided attention. However during this time they will be unable to assess how hurt they might be (taking +1 damage anytime they are hurt, PCs won’t be told where their HP is at) and be unable to use magic to heal. There has been a recent upsurge in desire of this product among university students and any habitation large enough to support an academic institution is likely to have a black market of Death Rattle. Abusers are often covered in scars, prone to varicose veins, have intensely dilated and bloodshot eyes, and severe tendinitis. 

Keep those eyes open!
Chimera Seeds: Take the heart of a true Chimera and boil it for seven days and seven nights. Then into the pot, toss every sort of animal and animal part that you could possibly think of. Continue boiling, using an alembic to capture the steam and condense it into a red fluid that smells like concentrated barnyard. This is then heated one last time until all that is left is pure red granules. These are the Chimera Seeds.  Eating these small crystals gives the imbibder a strong fizzy popping sensation as they crackle in the mouth. If used in exceptionally small amounts, Chimera Seeds are both a mild sedative and regenerative, putting the imbiber to sleep for 1d4 hours and healing them 1d4 HP per hour slept. However whomever is administering this drug must make a Dex save or administer too much. This results in the user sleeping for 1d12 hours, healing 1d6 per hour slept, and rolling on the Biological Mutation table for each hour slept. Lucky abusers develop a constant craving for meat, a proneness to skintags and moles, and a stale barnyard smell. Unlucky abusers end up looking like Tetsuo at the end of Akira.

Don’t abuse pop rocks kids.

Eldertree Sap: Find the eldest tree in a virgin wood. Using a blessed silver sickle, make the slightest cut into this tree’s bark on the night of the new moon. Collect the sap using a sack made from the stomach of the first lamb of spring. Now toss it all out and eat some crystalized  Treant jizz. Users experience everything around them in mild slow motion (+2 attack and defense) for 1d6+1 rounds followed by violently sneezing out acorns (1d6 damage, stunned for 1 round.) Abusers of Eldertree Sap can be recognized by their sluggish movements and speech as well as their wooden teeth. Do not mix them up with a stroked out George Washington.


Catoblepas Cheese: You are not supposed to eat Catoblepas cheese. You are supposed to rub it on petrified folks to turn them back to flesh. Or I guess you can rub it all over a big rock and get a load of undifferentiated meat. But some idiot decided that it would be a great idea to put it on a cracker and have a bite. Catoblepas cheese smells so rancid that not even magic can mask its odor and looks about as appetizing as raw sewage. When eaten one must Save vs. Poison to avoid immediately vomiting. If successful, Save Vs. Stone to avoid having your organs petrified and dying horribly. Surviving that, the consumer’s body will harden, though remain pliable, giving them all the benefits and drawbacks to wearing Plate Armor. Any effect (other than more Catoblepas Cheese) that removes petrification removes this effect. Abusers have a permanently rancid smell about them and are prone to an extreme form of ichthyosis.
Black Hole Spores: Left in the wake of teleportation and annihilation spells (because really they are the same thing), Black Hole Spores are tiny fragments of highly refined magic mixed with an interdimentional fungus that has consumed our closest sister reality. Because the amount of magical power needed to generate Black Hole Spores, it is a drug usually only found in the hands of the wealthy or insane. Letting one of these fuzzy void-black spores melt on your tongue allows the user to see 1d6 possible futures that will occur within the next minute, however they become locked into one of those 6 possible futures. A roll of 1 will result in something disastrous but feasible occurring (think slightly less fatal Final Destination), causing either 2d6 HP damage, 1d6 stat damage, or something otherwise appropriate. A roll of 6 results in the best possible future, treating one roll as a critical success or max damage. Taking more than one of these a day is invariably fatal. Abusers eventually disintegrate their tongues, their eyes become inky black pits full of stars, and they spout eldritch prophecy in a nigh-indecipherable Spore-Speak.

Not to be confused with a Sphere of Annihilation

Mead of Poetry  Kumis of Koans: The Mead of Poetry was created when all the gods spit into a pot, turned it into a wiseman named Kvasir who then got killed and bled out by a pair of dwarves who mixed his blood with honey and made magic mead. The Kumis of Koans was made when the King of Wisdom and the King of Nonsense accidently blessed the same guy, who was dumb enough to try to philosophize at the Khan-i-Khanan. He was fed to the Khan’s carnivorous mares and their fermented milk would make any who drank it speak cryptic nonsense. Most people accept today that it is what happens when you drink Kumis from a mare that’s eaten too many psychedelic mushrooms. Consumers will be filled with a sense of overwhelming wisdom and oneness with the universe for 2d6 (exploding on 6) rounds. They are also unable to speak in anything but convoluted cryptic stories. Any who hear them must save vs. spell or be Confused for 1 round. Abusers often go bald, become obsessed with crystals and in 1% of cases, actually ascend to another spiritual realm (becoming NPCs).
Wizard Teeth: Yes, literal Wizard Teeth. You see, Wizards spend their whole lives thinking strange thoughts so that they may invite spell-ferrets into their skulls. Having this constant influx of arcane energies is liable to do some strange things to a person, but teeth are surprisingly good at rooting this power so Wizards only mutate horrifically some of the time. This is why many demiliches have to replace their teeth with rare gems. The teeth of a Wizard, living or dead, can be popped like pills to instantly gain 1 Magic Die and can cast 1 random spell from a random Wizard school (Spells 1-6). This, however, instantly invokes a Mishap. Every three taken within a day invokes an increasingly terrible Doom. Abusers’ own teeth rot out, their skull swells to accommodate the random magic, and are prone to Supernatural Mutations (check one per week).
Tasty Toads: A designer drug that started simply enough. Some toads make you high if you lick them, its them weird poison sacks behind their eyes. Someone thought, “Huh, I wonder if I breed these two together, I can get even higher.” It was probably a wizard. Thus an arms race of frog breeding began, with folks licking every toad you can imagine and documenting the specific feelings they gained from them. By artificial selection a number of toads were bred that have bloated poison glands similarly to how farm bred chickens have horrifically bloated breasts. They usually come in a box of eight like specialty chocolates, each a color of the rainbow (plus octarine). As the name implies, you eat the toad, which bursts like a cream filled bonbon. The first six toads will produce a pleasant and mild high as well as enhancing one of the core stats (STR, DEX, etc.) by two for an hour. Consuming two toads gives you half the bonus on two stats and minus 1 on one of the random remaining stats. Consuming three of more at once, you must save vs. Death or be instantly brought to 0 HP from toxic shock. Making the save still drops you to 1 HP and you violently vomit everything up. The 7th toad makes your skin so sensitive that you can feel all movement within 60 feet but any time you take damage, you must save or be stunned one round from the extreme sensation and you cannot wear armor heavier than leather. The 8th toad gives you Wizard Vision as though you cast it with 2 MD, and all drawbacks associated. One cannot eat the 7th and 8th toad in combination with the previous six without experiencing potential toxic shock. Eating the 7th and 8th together will cause the imbiber to instantaneously explode dealing 6d6 raw magic damage to everything in a 60′ radius. Don’t try this on anything innately magical like Dragons.  Abusers tend to suffer from inflated lips, multicolored spit, warts, a craving for insects, and occasional lunatic delusions of grandeur.


I suggest checking out James Young’s Ten Foot Polemic post Dungeons and Druggies for addiction and withdraw effects. If you want me to price these for you, you are not asking the right questions.

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