But Lawful, your last post a month ago was a background list! I know, I know, I know. Listen, it has been a busy, maddening month and about the only thing that kept me sane was my Walter Moers’ audiobooks. Now, my European readers are probably more familiar with Moers and his works, mostly in the form of his off color comics and the infamous Captain Bluebear. But for those of you who do not know, here is a little primer on Zamonia.
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| Professor Abdullah Nightingale, 7-Brained Nocturnomath |
From the
“Encyclopedia of Marvels, Life Forms and Other Phenomena of Zamonia and its Environs”
by Professor Abdullah Nightingale.
Zamonia: The continent upon which the premise of this Encyclopedia is primarily based. It is located East of the West Indies, West of Eurasia, South of Greater & Lesser Trollia, and North of Murkia. Bounded to the East by →”Paw Island”, to the West by →”Atlantis”, the South by the →”Impic Alps, The”, and the North by →”Great Forest, The”, Zamonia is among the last habitations of numerous Marvels, Life Forms, and Other Phenomena as untainted by the influence of Mankind→see Human Being, The and Zamonian War of Succession, The.
Zamonia is a gonzo paradise for anyone interested fantasy adventure. From the lighter hearted “13 1/2 Lives of Captain Bluebear” to the more violent scenes seen in “Rumo and his Miraculous Adventures.” From the OSR-esque labyrinths in “The City of Dreaming Books” to the disgusting and power hungry alchemists in “The Alchemaster’s Apprentice,” Zamonia has something to inspire everyone. There are paths to Hel, magical and dangerous libraries of vast size, the insidious and massive S.S. Moloch, and, of course, Atlantis itself.
For a little taste of Zamonia, I have made for you a d100 GLOG style list of races mentioned in the Zamonia series adapted to the best of my ability while trying to remain faithful to both the books and the mechanics. Many of the races were mentioned at high speed as inhabitants of Atlantis, and for some we possess few details or even just their names. These I have attempted to make reasonably close Zamonian lore for and I’ve marked them with an asterisk (*). If you see anything here that you would change, please don’t hesitate to comment and I’d be more than happy to update the abilities to something more fitting. All images on this are credited to Walter Moers, the author and illustrator of the Zamonia series.
Well without further adieu!
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African Tangawangs: Sedge Gnomes that are not much bigger than children of three but immensely quick, strong and pugnacious
Alpine Imp-An inhabitant of the Impic Alps in southern Zamonia, the common Alpine Imp may generally be numbered, like the Gulch Troll and the Glacier Gorgon but unlike the Troglotroll or the Avalanche Ogress, among the so-called guileless mountain demons, in other words, mountain-dwelling sprites devoid of evil intent.
Anklemen*-Giant feet with faces on the bottom, usually wears an ornamental helmet on ankle stub
Ant People-human below the waist and formicine above; they can carry objects a hundred times their own weight
Antarctic Fridgetrolls-Hybrids of plants and animals, but resemble icebergs with mouths and eyes, are linguistically gifted and grow up to three meters tall
Auntifers*-Extremely sycophantic witch-like being, prone to pinching cheeks, having high pitched voices, and being dehabilitatingly drunk
Baalbek Wormlets big, spotty giants with bulls’ heads and three sinewy arms; they have good manners but peculiar habits, such as burying themselves waist-deep in loose sand and mutter unintelligible prayers.
Big-Footed Bertts half duck, half Bush Witch; more precisely, women with ducks’ bills up top and ducks with very big women’s feet below.
Bluddums-From the head to the belly they are shaggy black bears with large, protruding teeth. From the belly down they are human with feet size 50 onwards; their hairless legs have blood-red skin
Booklings-Child sized cyclopeans born from ancient books, memorize one author’s works and take on their personality.
Bozzums*-A race of being who look like a nightmare interpritation of a deep sea clown. About half appear as the traditionally Happy Clown, a third appear as sad clowns, and the remainer are abberant mimes.
Bufadistas-They have large, toadlike bodies; they often work as singers and musicians on street corners or at fairs and mostly sing about unrequited love.
Burrps*-Small toad-like creatures prone to burping petrol.
Central Indian Trifakirs-Always appeared in threes and made a practice of handing out muddle-headed philosophical tracts
Chimeras-From the family of overweight pressure-spirits. They are of a gnome-like shape and have a reptilian, iridescent or opalescent skin; they have the evil eye itself, and rarely do their eyes have the same eye colour
Chromobear Man sized intellligent bears that come in every possible (and some impossible) colors.
Cinnamen*-Of the wood-men genus, these are bark skinned humanoids that are distinctly spicy in attitude and smell.
Corn Demons*-Of the plant-demon family, distantly related to Moss Demons, these creatures are pale yellow with high cone-like heads and are delicious almost beyond compare.
Crat-House cat with human intelligence, can speak and walk on hind legs
Danish Dunefolk*-A tribe of goblin that once lived on the Migratory Domestic Dunes of Denmark, however after their Dunes washed to sea they came to Zamonia and seek new Domesticated Dunes to travel upon
Demonocle-Single eyed demons of great strength and little intellect, they are known for enjoying a diet of living creatures.
Dogheads*-As their name suggests their heads are very similar to those of dogs.
Draks-Amusing little mini dragons belonging to the goblin family; good-natured, well-meaning house spirits that can turn into wet dogs for a brief period
Duodwarfs-They have a talking belly in addition to their head; their head and stomach are constantly in disagreement – no matter what – so they must constantly quarrel with themselves
Dwerrogs-Ferretlike creatures with projecting teeth and good manners
Earspoonlets- An acoustic vampire that feeds on speech; they are a little bigger then dachshunds but have hearing organs the size of a young elephant
Elverines*-Small, elven creatures with sharp taloned feet, penultimate ice skaters
Fangfangs-Externally resemble the Norselanders, but in contrast to these are up to ten feet tall; they also have small, human, tight ears. They behave uncultured and occasionally fall into groups of 100 to 150 drunk men in Atlantis, which ends in destruction and mass brawls.
Florinthian Klodds-A very social species of large dogbat with wings and dark fur
Gargylls-A winged species of gnome whose appearance varies greatly as their ancestors came from a wide variety of contents and had inbred over the millennia; they take care of any minor misdemeanours
Geletin from the 2364th dimension-Gelatinous beings from another dimension. Weave autobiographical carpets, can smell Dimentional Haituses, and mostly eat milk noises
Ghorks*- Related to the Voltigorks, Ghorks are a strain of gremlin known to infest belfries, sports stadiums and caves with the right accoustics.
Gibbetkins*-Emaciated humanoids with exceptionally long legs and arms, their “body”, barring their legs and arms, is encased in an chitenous organic gibbet
Glacier Gophers*-Fiddle playing water spirits, called Glacier Gophers for how they tend to “pop up” from melting glaciers
Gogmagogs*-Giants with two tosoes growing out of the same legs, half a brain between them
Gnomelet-Miniscule cyclopses known for being small and weak, and are often “pushy, sneaky, cowardly, lazy, arrogant, covetuos, and greedy.”
Grailsundian Hazelwitches-They are hunchbacked, have limbs of nodular wood and wear garments of green leaves; they have long wooden fingers and a yellow tongue
Hackonians-Dwarves who are universally popular, soft-hearted, incorrigibly romantic, and never at a loss for a word of praise
Halfway Humans*-Half a human, missing their legs, arms, and neck, though still possessing hands, feet, and head. Present half functions as normal and seems to float over empty space where the missing half would be. Oddly can still be decapitated
Harvest Home Hamsters*-Creatures that originate from the Harvest Home Plains, Man sized intelligent hamsters. Extremely hostile towards other Hamsters
Hellings-Pale, silver haired rulers of Hel, penultimate alchemists. Naturally vile and evil.
Hogling-Pig people known more for their endurance than their intelligence
Homunkel-Horrible looking alchemical creations born from the “mother soup”, make up most of the Slave caste in Hel.
Horned Imbicels-They are characterized by being the most difficult-to-understand civilized form of existence, as they communicate with a raspy chant that sounds like an opera singer with a moth in his throat. However, since nobody talks to them, this problem settles itself
Human-Incredibly adventurous, to the point of stupidity, Humans were banished from Atlantis for their hijinks. Rare in Zamonia except for the most adventurous. Primary inhabitnts of Tornado City
Invisibles-Social misfits and radical dropouts who have retreated to the ancient, disused severs of Atlantis; some say they truly are invisible
Irish Druids-Peaceable but not wholly innocuous; they were said to be able to turn people into a harp or a lump of peat if their native island was insulted
Italian Doomsbirds-A cross between a human and a chicken, which means in the true sense that they look outwardly like chickens, but use their deep male bass voices to warn of impending doom
Japanese Bonsai Mites-They are, as their name suggests, of small growth and with their average size of 1 cm, they are even smaller than minipirates, comes in infestations
Kackertratts-Mutation that combines the genes of pigeons, rats and cockroaches; they are four to five feet long
Kuksbuks-Small, round and completely pelted creatures that bake yeast snacks on open grass fires and sell them so cheaply that they have become a staple food in Atlantis
Lemurs*- Small ring-tailed simians known for their darling hopping gait, their mask-like colored markings, and their large eyes. Lesser known is their relationship with the spirits of the malicious dead with whom they share their name.
Lindworms–A race of saurian poets, writers, and philosophers that live primarily in the impregnanble Lindworm Castle. They are known to be prone to flights of fancy, gaudy clothing, and pouring boiling pitch on would be invaders
Mandragors-Semi-human plants of the deadly nightshade family; they have rootlike arms and legs which they use to cling to people
Melanosprites*- Lithe waist height sprites that are so black that they appear more like holes cut in space than physical thing. Known for extremely ars gratia artis street preformances.
Melusines-A hairless type of dwarf with a penchant for gossip and a positively artistic way of dealing brush, comb, and scissors
Minipirate- A tiny pirate no more than 6″ tall, has two peg legs, two hooked hands, one eye, and a scraggly moustache. Among the best sailors in the world even if they’ve never actually captured a vessal. Comes in crews.
Monastocalves*–4′ Tall bovine-folk who are traditionally wear saffron robes. Highly religious, seek to unify with the Golden Calf
Muchwater Mannikins*-A form of existence originally from Silesia; apart from the fact that they are obviously very sociable and constantly in hordes, next to nothing is known about them Actually animate mannikins.
Muggs-A desert dwelling people wrapped entirely in blue cloth, have mini-periscopes over their eyes, have unnervingly difficult to say names and consume only the Mugroom
Nineslayers*–Mid-sized cyclopean creatures that traditionally wield 9-Ring Broadswords. They seek a sort of violent nirvana by physically conquoring the nine elements (earth, wind, fire, water, mind, body, time, space, darkness)
Nocturnomath–Incredibly intelligent troglobite creatures with 2-7 auxiliary brains, become more intelligent the darker it is. Known to carry transmittable intelligence bacteria.
Noontide Ghouls– Look like demonic paper cut-outs and prefer to get up to their tricks in the middle of the day, forfeiting their spooky appearance.
Norns*–A mostly female race of Spider-like humanoids, penultimate weavers, claim to weave destiny itself. Destiny regularly curses them for this species-wide hubris.
Norselanders-Bipedal elks with human bodies and extremely long, sensitive, protruding ears and a perchant for politics.
North Zamonian Zombies–Zombies with their heads full of cogitating quicksand and thereby retain their intelligence
Obliviogs*–Naturally oblivious troglodyte-like creatures with no sense of direction
Olfactile-A form of smell vampire that feeds on body odours; they have long bodies with 4-15 noses
Paradise Worms*–Worms about the length of an smallish anaconda with a single large eye at one end. The upper side of their bodies are adorned with many dozens of small dragonfly-like wings while their lower side moves though the colors of the rainbow dependent on their mood. It is conjectured that their original habitat was semi-solid clouds related to the Gloomberg Tempest phenomena.
Peat Witches*–Living mounds of compressed peat, spontaneously rise under rare alignments of factors. Have hearts made of butter.
Pixies-They are something like intelligent bees; in Atlantis, it’s hard to eat a piece of pie without being spotted by at least one elf, however, they are never killed, as the superstitious people believe that it brings bad luck
Poophs* Pot-bellied goblinoids, known to be penultimate gourmets.
Popples-Wood goblins that are skilled craftsmen; it is said that only they can produce a Pixie star that deters Chimeras
Pratts*–Mischievous half human rats, known to speech in a complex cant and are hopeless braggarts.
Raving Maenads-Devotees of the god Dionysus who like to dress up in animal skins and dance through the streets until they pass out; they have women’s bodies and wildcats’ faces
Rickshaw Demons– They are a fast means of transport in larger cities; they carry around other forms of existence and loads on their humps with high speed and power. They are large, three eyed, and humped, looking something like a shaved fu-lion
Ronkers*–With a head like a flat-face boar and a lower body like a minuscule chihuahua, Ronkers get around by walking on their massive and grotesquely muscular arms.
Rumplestilts*–Gangly dwarves prone to fits of rage, traditionally do not reveal their names to anyone
Semi-mummies* Half mummified humanoids with hawk-heads, which half seems to be random
Semielephants– They are extremely fast chefs because of their many arms and trunk (a total of seven “hands” as the trunk can be used as a hand too); they can simultaneously perform many tasks, take orders and serve customers. Pretty much a race of Ganeshas.
Shark Grubs–Incredibly intelligent large slugs with shark heads and up to 14 small hands. Prone to gambling, criminal empires, and a lust for the finer things in life.
Shivering Sound Shrews*–Shrew-like semi-humans with over developed vocal cords. Capable of shattering glass, or even stone, with their earsplitting screeching. Their metabolism is hyperactive and must spend much of their time eating or searching for food.
Swamazons*–Extremely flexible all female species, prone to assuming yoga positions at any moment.
Tobacco Elves– Strange drwaves that originate from the jungles of South American with olive complexion; they have four-fingered hands, claw feet, a furry tail, heavily hairy skin and bulbous noses. They also have green blood as they lack adrenaline, as a result, they are unable to feel fear
Thimbleskins*–Extremely spiny humanoids with pinched sour faces, have corned the kebab market.
Toothworms–originally natives of the Swiss Alps with subservient and grovelling personalities; Bluddums often keep them as salaried domestic pets and use them to fetch their newspapers
Transylvanian Werewolves–traditionally run the bloodbroking businesses, pretty much what it says on the box.
Troglotrolls–Grotesque, repulsive trolls with no redeeming factors, pathological liars and betrayers. Considering among the worse creatures in all of Zamonia
Twerpps-They collect the slimy trail of Midgard Serpents to make a soup alleged to render one immortal (this was never proven as Twerrps, who live to at least a thousand, consume all of it themselves).
Uggly–Exceedingly hideous creatures that smell of rotting wood and dust. Many have some mild form of precognition
Vampires-Black cats the size of a full-grown mastiff with the face of a maddened baboon and short wings sprouting from their shoulders
Venetian Midgets-Dwarves with a great liking for canal construction, mostly from homesickness
Ventisnipes*–Bird-like bipeds with long thin beaks and covered in marsh camouflage plumage, which is unfortunately useless most modern environments. Known for their exceptional vision
Voltigorks*–Electrically infused noise-gremlins known for their talents with bass instruments.
Vulphead–Fox-headed humanoinds, incredibly cunning, known best for Nussram Fhakir the Unique (Longest reigning King of Lies) and Colophonius Regenschein, a famous Bookhunter
Waterkins*–Somewhere between a newt, a pug and a gorilla, known for their lack of hygiene and interesting relationship with water.
Witthogs-Very slim, philosophically gifted semi-pigs with a markedly ascetic streak that love to debate.
Wolpertingers-There is a wild and a civilized variant of the Wolpertinger; their face shape is very variable, they are mostly reminiscent of known breeds of dog, but have a humanoid physique (up to the head) and are up to three meters tall. In addition, they have two simple antlers, which lie between the ears. Their young, Wolperting Whelps, are considered among the cutest creatures in Zamonia.
Yetis-Fully covered in white hair and of impressive stature; glassy red eyes and around 80 teeth.
Yhôllian Bloodslurpers-Obese mountain demons with two faces. Actually from Yhôl, a continent in the Indian Ocean. Don’t ask about Yhôl
100 races is … too much…. but there are some really good ones in there. Humans having "save vs dares" is… very on the nose.
The crazy thing too is that isn't even everything mentioned at one point or another in the Zamonia series!