Howdy folks, just a quick little update on things in my life since G+ is going down and I’ve not quite gotten the handle of MeWe yet. I just put in my two weeks at my current job after being offered a position for nearly twice what I make now. On one hand I’m super excited because this means that I will not be facing the sort of financial hardships that I have in recent months. On the other, however, it is going to mean I have less time to be able to check in on Chris’ Discord and work on stuff here. FEAR NOT! I still plan on taking every lunch I can get away with to work on stuff for Unlawful Games and stay connected with the RPG/OSR community.
While I’ve been getting ready for this new job, I’ve been packing away my old office. I’ve taken down the pictures of my daughter, I’ve packed away my knick-knacks, I’ve sorted through my small library and lined them up in a box. It feels so weird to be able to see five years of your life packed into two small boxes. Its been making me think about what is and isn’t important to me and has me thinking about all the connections I’ve made and the people I know. There are folks that I am so excited to cut ties with and there are folks that I almost feel like I’m betraying by leaving. I’m not someone who makes choices easily. It is probably why I’m an eternal DM, because I can always leave the choice of direction in the player’s hands. However the world around me has been changing. Folks are getting the courage up to change their lives and speak out. I’m not going to make some sort of extended Zak post because I had about 3 lines of interactions with him before I blocked him, but I knew what sort of jerk he was and I wasn’t going to invite that into my life. When Mandy et. al. came forward, I was little surprised but horrified all the same. However, at the same time, her and others coming forth gave me the courage to go out and cut toxic relationships and make a difference for myself.
The most important thing for us to do is to be honest with ourselves and not let veils of deceit (purposeful or not) cloud that. When something doesn’t make you happy, when something causes you undue anxiety, when something makes you question who and what you are, you need to change it. Sometimes this means seeking help, sometimes this means throwing away junk attachments, sometimes this means taking a breath and re-evaluating yourself. One of the last things I will be packing is a little document my wife gave me about ANTs, Automatic Negative Thoughts. It describes multiple “ANTs” and how to squash them. “All or Nothing” Thinking, “Always” Thinking, Mind Reading, Fortune Telling, Labeling, and Blame. The three I’ve struggled with the most are All or Nothing, Mind Reading, and Fortune Telling. I’d tell myself that if I tried something and I failed, I would lose everything and I would fail everyone around me and I would be despised for it. I’d predict my own failure and it would leave me unable to progress because I was unwilling to risk the first step, even if in all honesty there was no risk at all. If we try nothing, we cannot progress. If we do not fail, we cannot learn. If we allow the opinions and the perceived thoughts of others dictate our actions beyond what we feel in our heart of hearts, we are nothing but a tangled marionette.
I totally started this meaning to just tell folks about me being slow with my new job, but I ended up venting a bit there. I just want you folks out there to know that unless you step to the edge of your comfort and then take another step forward, you’ll never know adventures and freedom may be awaiting you.
Happy Adventuring my friends, see you soon.