For PW– I suppose this might be handy if you somehow cast Speak with Plants in an office environment. Delta Green perhaps?
- Succulent– Yeah, I guess Steve is alright. Waters me a bit too often and his opinions about the ‘shape of time’ is a little nutty. But I’m in better shape than Aloe at least.
- Aloe– OH GOD OH SWEET GREEN JESUS! WHY WHY DIDN’T YOU WEAR SUNSCREEN TO THE COMPANY PICNIC. DMITRI?! THERE ARE PRODUCTS FOR THAT! NO! NO! MY ARM! AAAARRRRRGGHHH
- ZZ– Dear Diary, Day 487 in the broom closet. I saw light today, Mary-Beth the custodian came to retrieve a mop and left the door open for a whole five minutes. I can feel strength surging through my stems, I am ready once more for the long dark. They will not break me.
- Philodendron– Rachel received me on the passing of her uncle, so I suppose I understand why her care of me has been…tainted with sorrow. I’m…I’m not entirely certain about the ashy soil she keeps adding to my pot though. Or why she mutters and smiles so.
- Virginia Creeper– Of course I’m a Virginia Creeper, Albert checked. Young Virginia creepers have three leaves and don’t mind the hair on my vines–I’ve just forgotten to shave that’s all. I am in no way playing a part in Albert’s revenge against IT for firewalling online gambling.
- Cactus– Woowee, Silvia! That’s the last time you eat deviled eggs at a corporate potluck. Hey! Jessica! Wash those hands, I don’t care if you used hand sanitizer. Tonia, gurrrl, you know bright pink ain’t your color–Dahlia will notice you more if you use something darker like burgundy.
- Boston Fern– *wheeze* Mr. Stark–I don’t feel so good.
- Venus Flytrap– Jim thought that owning a Venus Fly trap would make it more “exotic” in his cubicle. I ain’t exotic, I’m a Tarheel and proud of it! He’s real momicked about why no one else thinks he’s more interest’n because of me. I dunno, Jim, maybe its more than just me attracting the flies.
- Rubber Tree– They really need to clean out these drop ceilings sometime. How did that tile even get that stain. Hey Succulent! How’s the weather down there? Denise! Hey Denise! Look! My leaves are in the fluorescents!
- Plastic Palm– When you all die, I will remain. That’s right. The day will come Jeremy when no amount feigned enthusiasm and Corporate Jargon and Buzzwords will save you from the cold embrace of the earth. You and this company and this building will all one day be buried by time and I shall remain until that hateful orb in the sky expands in its death throes and takes us all.
