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| What a useless jerk! |
AAAAAAHHHHH BUER! FUCK OFF YOU LION GOAT WHEEL NO ONE LIKES YOU!
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| Goddamn he’s even uglier in GeGeGe |
WILL YOU GO AWAY IF I MAKE A POST FOR YOU?! FINE HOLY SHIT!
BUER IS THE GREAT PRESIDENT OF HELL AND HE HAS A BIG HARD ON FOR SAGITTARIUS. SUPPOSEDLY IF YOU SUMMON HIM HE’S PRETTY GOOD AT BOTANY AND MEDICINE AND FAMILIARS AND ALL THAT HIPPIE CRAP BUT YOU KNOW HE’S JUST GOING TO ROLL OVER YOU AND RAID YOUR FRIDGE BECAUSE HE’S SUCH CHODE!
ALL OF BUER’S MINIONS ARE SIMILARLY AWFUL, HERE IS HOW TO MAKE A BUER MINION! IF YOU WANT TO BE ESPECIALLY SHITTY USE THIS WITH MY FAMILIAR GENERATOR.
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D4
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SKELETAL- COUNTS AS UNDEAD OR SOME FUCKERY |
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FLESHY- FUCK WHY IS IT SO CLAMMY?
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DISEASED- INFLICTS RANDOM ILLNESS I GUESS?!
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DEMONIC- HELLFIRE AND CHAINS AND SHIT
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D6
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D8
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HIDEOUS LIMB TYPE
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PAWS -FOR CLAWING |
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HOOVES -FOR KICKING |
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TALONS – FOR RAKING |
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TENTACLES -FOR |
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APE HANDS – OH FUCK OPPOSABLE THUMBS |
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ELEPHANTINE -FOR STOMPING AND TRAMPLING |
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INSECTILE- FUCKER CAN CLIMB UP WALLS |
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PINCERS- GODDAMN PINCHY CRAB HANDS |
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| WHAT THE FUCK EVEN?! |
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D10
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| I DON’T EVEN KNOW ANY LONGER |
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A BUNCH OF FINGERS
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CIRCLE OF WOLF HEADS LIKE THAT SCYLLA FREAKSHOW
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SNAKE ORGY
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TONGUES
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BALD
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| NO! BAD SICILY! |
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D12
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WEIRD FUCKEN EYES |
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GOAT- FUCK WHY IS IT SO AWFUL? CAUSES FEAR OR SOMETHING
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BLOODSHOT– SLEEP? THIS THING DOESN’T SLEEP
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MANTIS SHRIMP – SO MANY COLORS, ALSO SEES INVISIBLE SHIT
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SPIDER- 8 OF THEM! REALLY GOOD AT DETECTING MOTION
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CHAMELEON- ONE ON FRONT ONE ON BACK, 360 GODDAMN
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SNAIL EYES– CAN LOOK AROUND CORNERS
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HAGFISH-WELL KINDA EYES, FUCK IF I KNOW
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SNAKE- ACTUALLY MEDUSA, HAHA WELCOME TO STONEVILLE
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HUMAN EYES– YOUR EX’S EYES
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NO EYES– IT’S A BLIND FUCKEN WHEEL HOW’D IT LEARN TO DRIVE?!
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| Tall Mouther from the Forgotten Realms, best to be Forgotten |
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D20
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WON’T STOP TALKING ABOUT THEIR LATEST “CLEANSE” DIET
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CONSTANTLY APPLIES VASELINE TO LIPS
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CORRECTS EVERYONE’S GRAMMAR…INCORRECTLY!
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PERSISTENTLY STARES AT THE ASS OF HIGHEST CHA PARTY MEMBER
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TIME HAS FOUR SIDES! |
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FARTS CONSTANTLY, LAUGHS AT OWN FARTS
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| Steve Lichman says it best. |
IF YOU ACCIDENTALLY ROLL A DEMONIC 5 GOAT LEGGED LION WITH A RATTY LION’S MANE, SQUINTY EYES, AND ALWAYS WANTS TO TALK ABOUT MEANINGLESS HORSESHIT THEN YOU JUST ENCOUNTERED BUER HIS OWN GODDAMN SELF, GOOD LUCK ASSHOLE!
NOTES
YOU WANT MECHANICS? FUCK THAT NOISE! ROLL AND MAKE UP YOUR FATE YOUR OWN DAMN SELF! I’VE SPENT ENOUGH TIME ALREADY ON THIS INFERNAL ACCIDENT!
BONUS SHITTY GRIFFON TABLE!
ROLL ON EACH TABLE, COMBINE, MOURN, REPEAT
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D10
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Well that was interesting.
Juergen Leitner *is* Buer confirmed????