1. All Elves Double Dip, and the food that elves serve to outsiders have been used and reused for centuries.
2. Obsessively huff their own body odor, uses Glamour to make it seem like roses and honeydew to everyone else. Goblins are immune to this subtle magic.
3. Contrary to popular myth, Elves do in fact sweat. Only they do it all at once, once a year during the spring snowmelt. A non-negligible amount of the spring floods are made up of Elf Sweat.
4 .Elven Wine is said to be among the best vintages in the world. This is not due to a special aging process or due to special grapes. In fact, Elven vintners are not any more knowledgeable or advanced in technique than humans. What makes elven wine special is the yeasts and fungi unique to the elven feet that mash the grapes. This is the same for their cheeses and breads, I’m looking at you lembas.
5. No elf washes behind their ears, to wash behind an elf’s ear is to drain them of all of their accumulated centuries of knowledge and power. It is kinda like sumo wrestlers and their mawashi.
6. Elves are all flat earthers. So extreme is their belief in this their ships do in fact continue straight into space past the horizon. They claim to be going to the Western Lands, but there are in fact hundreds of thousands of Elf Popsicles orbiting the planet.
2 thoughts on “Mini-Commission Post: 6 Secret Disgusting Habits of Elves”
Cringe-inducingly perfect. I knew something always smelled… off.
“Elf Popsicles” is the new name of my band