20 Weird Things From The Top Of My Head

  1. The dog in the street is very concerned for your safety. They ask if you are alright.
  2. The answer all along was in your heart. You will not survive the extraction process.
  3. There was never a Phantom in the Paris Opera House. No, the walls are crawling with the ghouls of former directors.
  4. “It takes one to know one,” is not a valid come back to one’s doppelgänger. 
  5. The feeling of being followed is a glitch in your proprioception. You are being followed, by your detached sense of self.
  6. If you open a box of crackerjacks and there is no prize, the prize is your chance to live another day.
  7. Masks allow a spirit to temporarily inhabit your body. Mascots completely replace you.
  8. Cats have nine lives because they have nine lifetimes worth of karmic debt to repay.
  9. We don’t get as many people these days getting controlled by their True Name. That’s because the Second Tongue has become an atavismic trait.
  10. White Angelo-Saxon Protestants actually are wasps. Don’t ask.
  11. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, three in the steeple, four on a cliff, and exactly nine and three quarters on the corner of Ashland and Folsom. 
  12. Did you know there is a fucking Christmas Spider? Holy shit.
  13. Cabinets and mirrors leading to distant lands is the result of future FTL drives poking holes in the fabric of space/time.
  14. If we lived long enough, eventually our Courage and our Power teeth will grow in.
  15. There’s a hole in the bottom of the sea, there’s a hole in the bottom of the sea, there’s a hole…There’s…a…hole. A. HOLE
  16. **slaps hood** If you think Impossible Colors like Stygian Blue are impressive, just wait until you see the Forbidden Colors. Hermetic Jade is all the rage!
  17. 5G isn’t causing COVID. 5G is causing murder hornets. 
  18. It isn’t the caffeine that keeps you awake, it is the psychological burden of the farming practices that got that coffee to you that keeps you awake. That is why free-trade coffee doesn’t work as well.
  19. Children the light of your life. No, literally, what’s left in you is embers. 
  20. Scientists have discovered and isolated gender fluid. It tastes like Fanta Grape. 

One thought on “20 Weird Things From The Top Of My Head

  1. Seeing these regularly pop up in discord was a treat and now the compilation even more so. Love this sort of Unknown Armies stuff.

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