I was asked to come up with 20 rumored reasons that the commissioner’s Forgotten Realms character was blacklisted from all the local mercenary groups. The real reason is because he got a promotion, saw the discrepancy between officer and grunt pay and tried to unionize.
- “Y’know that incident like what, two? Three years back? What with Jericho gett’n snuffed while he was tak’n a piss. Y’know, Jericho! Led the Moon Men…or was it the Lunar Lads, something. Well anyways, I ‘ear this guy did it an’ I don’t care who you are, you don’t go kill’n a guy while he’s tak’n a piss.”
- “Nah man, y’see, the wiley fucker here was in a card game with a couple o’ the old hand y’know? And the stakes got fucking high, like bett’n the kinda money that’ll make or break an entire squad. And this guy, he puts down four aces and reaches for that pot. Only two of them goddamn aces were spades. Guy’s lucky to be alive.”
- “You’ve both got it wrong, I heard this guy is working for them goddamn Wizards! He’s an agent for the idiots who caused all of this. Trying to get it in our heads, turn us against one another, make us weak so THEY can take over again!”
- “I heard it was weirder than that, yeah he’s some kind of traitor alright, but not just to us. He’s a traitor to the species man. Not even that, he’s not even one of us. Just a hollowed out skin that a thing from space is wearing man. They know they can’t just kill him, so they’re barring him from learning secrets.”
- “What are fuck are you smoking bro? He’s an ex-dealer, sold some shit that went bad. I hear a client they were protecting took a tab, for their nerves or something, then in the middle of a gunfight he goes ape just completely bananas and shoots everyone. And this guy somehow survived.”
- “The guy’s just bad luck, that’s the simple truth of it. Jobs dry up, folks die, clients turn up their noses, spells fizzle, the works. Any squad he’s in is doomed to failure.”
- “The guy’s a fext. Y’know one of them re-deads. Can only kill him with a glass bullet. How the fuck do you make a glass bullet. Anyways, he’s in it for the blood not the money, it’s what keeps him young. Always too many bodies on any job he’s on.”
- “You mean undead, and that’s a load of horseshit. He’s blacklisted because he fucked up hard. Killed a client by accident then tried to cover it up. There’s a hefty bounty on his head back West I hear.”
- “No, no, he didn’t kill the client, he fucked the client and you know you don’t mix pleasure and business. Especially when the client turns out to be the fiancee to…
- “The feller’s one of them revolutionaries, got hisself some kinda cause. This line o’work ain’t for nobody with a cause. ‘Less that cause is more money and more booze.”
- “I heard the guy was a Captain once, but he went mad with power. Tried to lead a coup against the company. He manipulated his men with greed and lies and got them all killed for mutiny.”
- “He’s not real at all, he’s a tulpa. Came outta our collective dreams, just look at him. He’s a stereotype and he’s all fuzzy around the edges. Nobody’s gonna hire a dream-man and his dream-blade.”
- “Fucking hell y’all, what does it have to be all this weird conspiracy shit? He’s a deserter, ran away with his tail between his legs when things got hard. The guy can’t be trusted when it matters.”
- “He was never blacklisted, he was never anything listed. The guy’s an unlicensed vagabond. I heard he was digging septic pits, decided ‘I’m done with this literal shit,’ and thought he’d just trot on along and become a merc.
- “Oh no, the guy’s a merc alright and a right dangerous one at that. He’s not blacklist, it’s more like anyone else would just weigh him down. I know he doesn’t look like much but that’s how you know a guy’s real tough-like, he ain’t gotta have a bunch of sparkly stuff to show off.”
- “I heard he’s actually one of them clones that wizards make, y’know if they die and their spirit just goes into this big tube with a ready-made body. But something went wrong and he’s just a soulless thing walking about. He ain’t got any papers or nationality or anything, can’t prove who he is so he can’t get in with any of the companies.
- “He’s a demon. No you barmy bastard, not a tiefling. A right up demon, one of them Princes I heard. Exiled and bound in skin, he’s stuck ‘ere until he can do 666 years of honest work. Everyone’s in on it to keep him out of the job and keep him bound to this plane.”
- “He’s under contract already, can’t work for two companies at once, dem’s the rules. What company? I hear it is something with the City of Brass and the Sultan of the Efreeti.”
- “Insubordination is it, the guy’s been hired and dropped time and again because he’s a right git who doesn’t have a lick of respect for authority. No one will take him because they’ve all had him and they’ve all judged him a bastard.”
- “Will you idiots stop trying to guess? I heard that whatever it was, it was something real terrible and real secret-like. They think you know something and they’ll cut your tongue out and gibbet you as an example.”
One thought on “Commission: 20 Reasons This Merc Was Blacklisted”
This is easily some of your finest work.