|The World On Her Head by Rimma ‘zooyeglass’ Deli|
First an important note on:
How to tell a Witch from a Wizard
- A Wizard has a Tower, a Witch has a Cottage
- A Wizard is an introvert, a Witch is also an introvert but is one of those sorts that has to extrovert constantly as part of their job.
- A Wizard paid a lot of money to know things. A Witch put in hard work to know that the wizard got themselves into student debt for no good reason.
- A Wizard wears a pointy hat which shouts, “I AM THE WIZARD.” A witch wears a pointy hat that calmly informs you, “I am A witch.”
- A wizard knows what a spell does. A witch knows what the spell is for.
- A wizard has ampules, phials and flasks. A witch has jars, pots and jugs.
- Wizards and Witches are both fond of pickling things. You are more likely to be able to eat whatever the witch pickled.
- A wizard hates people. A witch hates what people are when left to their own foolish devices.
- A wizard expects to be reimbursed for their “services.” A witch never expects to be reimbursed, but they always are anyways.
- Having a wizard in your community is like having a mildly unstable nuclear bomb on hand. Having a witch in your community is like having a fully staffed social services program and a fairly decent hospital. Guess which one regular folk prefer?
A Witch who cackles is barely better than a Wizard. Note that one of the differences is not gender, a Witch or a Wizard can be any gender even if ignorant townsfolk might make assumptions if you have a pointy hat and a beard.
|Witchsona by Doodlekiidd|
The Witch Generator
Anything on this list can be Boffo or Headology, that is to say something that isn’t necessarily true about the witch but the witch encourages people to believe to keep up a healthy aura of fear/respect.
2 Hungry? Alternatively, Green?
- Eats Kids – Not Green
- Doesn’t Eat Kids – Green
4 Aspect- Traditional terms, but others can be used. White Hat, Grey Hat and Black Hat for example.
- Big Spider
|Witchsona by Beebeediboop|
8 Specialty– All witches are proficient in basic medicine/herbalism and have First Sight and Second Thoughts. That is, they see what’s really there and they think about their own thoughts.
- (Un)Sympathetic Magic
- Misfortune Telling
- Flora and Fauna
- Curse Making/Breaking
- Classic/Cunning Folk
- Tumblr Witchsona
- Maho Shojo
- Trash Witch, always has a shitty griffon familiar
- Fairy Godparent (really a type of witch)
- Swamp Witch
Granny Ogg by Rob Lopatto
- Scary Child
10 Wyrd Transport
- Huge mortar and pestle
- Hut on Chicken Feet
- Giant black cat
- Chariot pulled by winged goats
- A chair with a thousand ravens tied to it
- Turns into a swarm of insects
- An Umbrella
- Flies without mechanical aid by lifting themselves up by their bootstraps
- Literally anything they can smear Flying Ointment on
12 Sources of Power
- The Land (Everyone knows the best witches are grown in the mountains)
- Ancestry, its witches all the way down
- The Fey, all that time spent around mushrooms as a kid
- Infernal Pact, specifically with a black goat
- Inherited the power from another witch on their deathbed
- Was the 8th child of an 8th child, don’t let on to anyone that you’ve got wizard magic
- People just started assuming and after a while it turned out they were right
- Blood, sweat, tears and a long apprenticeship to a senior witch.
- Possessed by an ancient body-swapping hag
- Sheer willpower, really a can-do attitude and a drive to fix the lives around you is enough
- Everyone has a nipples-in-10 chance of being a born witch.
- Actually listening to all your grandma’s folk wisdom
|Tiffany Aching by Benjamin Scott|
20 Signature Magical Tool
- Witch Ladder aka a Shamble
- Athame and Boline- KNIFE WITCH
- Book of Shadows/Diary
- Nithing Pole, flayed horse skin and skull on a pole. METAL
- Copious Jewelry
- Needles (Knitting/Sewing/Surgical/Poking)
- Oven Cauldron
- A telescopic 3-in-1 Wand/Broom/Spear Combo Tool
- Turpentine and a good Cussing
- A pair of mirrors
- Smudge Sticks, oooh this one smells like cinnamon
- A cast iron pan
- A saucer and an inkwell
- A spade/shovel/pickaxe
- A collection of humorously shaped mushrooms
- A golden stamp/seal
- A variety of colored lenses
- A big creepy lantern
- Distaff and spindle
100 Quirk- May or may not be true
- Long nose with olfactory strength of a bloodhound
- Has two bodies and one soul, bodies get more clumsy the further they are from one another.
- Can step outside their own body and roam as a spirit, body is inert.
- Is fatally allergic to water, but can be reconstituted and revived by pouring a heaping spoon of sugar into their melted remains.
- Has a creepy collection of dolls who may or may not be haunted.
- Has a clockwork heart and cannot die while it continues to tick
- Communes with bees
- Can sour milk with a word, useful for making cheese
- Can speak at length to various barnyard animals on topics so boring that the animal falls over dead
- Knows the “Horseman’s Word” and can freeze any Odd-Toed Ungulate in their tracks
- Is unable to pass through a room containing a colander without having to stop and count all the holes.
- Has terrible Iron Teeth that can bite through anything
- Has to answer any riddle posed to them
- Only speaks in iambic pentameter
- Can talk objects into life
- Weighs as much as a duck
- Can turns folks into a newt (and other amphibians)
- Can build surprisingly sound structures out of baked goods.
- Collects toenails of their victims to personally give to Hel
- Their heterochromia allows them to invoke the Evil Eye and dispel it
- Has several score tiny angry “fair folk” at their beck and call
- Is blind, but has honed their precognition to the point that they always see a few seconds into the future.
- Hair can move independently of body and has the grip strength of an octopus
- Can produce 8 gallons of ectoplasm daily
- Casts no reflection or shadow, can’t be photographs or otherwise depicted through art
- Comes in the night with a huge sack to take away naughty children
- Can stretch their limbs 50’ and snatch up unsuspecting victims
- You can hear their teeth grinding a mile away
- Can breath underwater
- Cannot be touched by fire
- Can steal your name and give you an awful one.
- Can call up a terrible storm with the help of a coven of 3 or more
- They are actually made of wood
- More warts than face
- Can attach their senses to other creatures, see what they see, hear what they hear etc.
- Weaves the names and fates of those in region into a vast tapestry
- Keeps a demon and a hoard of treasure in their basement
- Know the exact time and place of their own death and cannot be fatally injured before then
- Can open their mouth so wide that the top touches the sky and the bottom plummets to hell
- Grows into a terrible giant when provoked
- Turns wicked folks into pigs and keeps them on their farm
- Knows how to do the “Pig Trick” without a pig, much to many other witches’ shock and disgust
- Skin changes color depending upon their mood
- Can stand so still that they blend into the background
- Can choose to make no noise whatsoever
- They are immortal until they find their one true love
- Is a master of Unfission and is in fact several dozen witches.
- Can age up or down anything they touch, doesn’t affect overall lifespan though
- Is actually an imp piloting a corpse
- Knows how to enchant beans and salt to drive away ghosts
- Knows where the [Magical Weapon] of Destiny is and who is destined to wield it
- Anything they yell becomes locally true, they dislike noises louder than a whisper though
- Lives through time backwards
- Is able to balance and judge any argument for an outcome best for both parties
- Any bag, pocket or hat works like a Bag of Holding for them
- Knows a tune that can rise the dead and make them dance
- Thawed out from a far northern Kingdom
- Their eyes glow with the strength of a bullseye lantern
- Only sleeps for 1 minute each day
- Has terrible claws that can cut through steel like butter
- Any affect that would scare lesser folks simply makes this witch furious
- Can control sand, they’re the Sand Witch.
- Can make a delicious soup from any ingredient. ANY
- Can somersault and roll down hills like a wheel…or A BUER
- Can put an entire kingdom to sleep in they put their mind to it
- Can change sex at will
- Is the sibling-in-law to the current King/President/Warlord
- Is actually a banished fairy noble, cursed to human skin
- .Breath is so bad it wilts flowers
- Has one withered arm and one HULKING MONSTER ARM
- Is physically harmed by sincere compliments
- .They are invigorated by nasty remarks
- Their words can literally cut
- They are only able to show one emotion a day.
- Has a weakness for especially gaudy jewelry, but can instantly appraise anything
- For the right price, they can regurgitate exactly what you need.
- Can speak out gold and jewels
- Can speak Toad Words
- Keeps dozens of jars of marbles, they are all the lost memories
- Can speak an Earworm that slowly fills up your thoughts until it hatches from your skull
- Practices Hardcore Astrology
- Knows the language of birds, also they are very easily annoyed
- Deaf, but has heard everything ever whispered
- Each part of the witch is independently alive and mobile, will rebuild themselves if hacked apart
- Has a garden that grows a tree from anything planting there, the fertilizer is something eldritch and terrible
- Has a tongue of Lead and a tongue of Silver, capable of speaking horrid truths and sweet lies simultaneously.
- Is filled with a terrible ichorous corruption, The Orkus
- Can control the land of their home region as well as they could control their own hand.
- Is a close personal friend of Sasquatch
- Knows the method of producing mirror honey
- Meeting eyes with the witch will reveal to them all your terrible 3 AM secrets.
- Is covered in tattoos depicting sentient Stories that they have tamed.
- Is a metal witch-shaped cauldron: the actual witch is the sentient brew inside. Doesn’t move but just appears in places, casts spells through boiling broth fumes
- Scooped out their own brain, they cannot be scryed, their thoughts cannot be read, their emotions cannot be altered.
- Can suck out your soul and stick it into a jack o lantern
- Has been North of Reality and back.
- Makes deals with devils, always comes out on top somehow.
- Can turn hearts into powerful protective amulets.
- Legendary “hag,” Roll 3 times
- Roll 20 times, they ordered pretty much everything from the “Wicked Witch” collection in the Boffo Catalogue
|Trash Witch by Charlie Ferguson-Avery|
5 thoughts on “d100+ Witch Generator”
That is a wonderful table of quirks, there.