The World On Her Head by Rimma ‘zooyeglass’ Deli

 

 

First an important note on:

How to tell a Witch from a Wizard

  1. A Wizard has a Tower, a Witch has a Cottage
  2. A Wizard is an introvert, a Witch is also an introvert but is one of those sorts that has to extrovert constantly as part of their job.
  3. A Wizard paid a lot of money to know things. A Witch put in hard work to know that the wizard got themselves into student debt for no good reason.
  4. A Wizard wears a pointy hat which shouts, “I AM THE WIZARD.” A witch wears a pointy hat that calmly informs you, “I am A witch.”
  5. A wizard knows what a spell does. A witch knows what the spell is for.
  6. A wizard has ampules, phials and flasks. A witch has jars, pots and jugs.
  7. Wizards and Witches are both fond of pickling things. You are more likely to be able to eat whatever the witch pickled.
  8. A wizard hates people. A witch hates what people are when left to their own foolish devices.
  9. A wizard expects to be reimbursed for their “services.” A witch never expects to be reimbursed, but they always are anyways.
  10. Having a wizard in your community is like having a mildly unstable nuclear bomb on hand. Having a witch in your community is like having a fully staffed social services program and a fairly decent hospital. Guess which one regular folk prefer?

A Witch who cackles is barely better than a Wizard. Note that one of the differences is not gender, a Witch or a Wizard can be any gender even if ignorant townsfolk might make assumptions if you have a pointy hat and a beard.

 

Witchsona by Doodlekiidd

The Witch Generator

Anything on this list can be Boffo or Headology, that is to say something that isn’t necessarily true about the witch but the witch encourages people to believe to keep up a healthy aura of fear/respect. 

2 Hungry? Alternatively, Green?

  1. Eats Kids – Not Green
  2. Doesn’t Eat Kids – Green

4 Aspect- Traditional terms, but others can be used. White Hat, Grey Hat and Black Hat for example.

  1. Maiden
  2. Mother
  3. Crone
  4. Three-In-One

6 Familiar

  1. Crow
  2. Toad
  3. Cat
  4. Bat
  5. Big Spider
  6. Something…weird

 

Witchsona by Beebeediboop

8 Specialty– All witches are proficient in basic medicine/herbalism and have First Sight and Second Thoughts. That is, they see what’s really there and they think about their own thoughts.

  1. Weather
  2. Potions
  3. Transformations
  4. (Un)Sympathetic Magic
  5. Runes/Sigils
  6. Misfortune Telling
  7. Flora and Fauna
  8. Curse Making/Breaking

 

10 Theme

  1. Classic/Cunning Folk
  2. Neo-Pagan
  3. Tumblr Witchsona
  4. Maho Shojo
  5. Trash Witch, always has a shitty griffon familiar 
  6. Fairy Godparent (really a type of witch)
  7. Swamp Witch
  8. RUSSIAN
    Granny Ogg by Rob Lopatto
  9. Goth
  10. Scary Child

10 Wyrd Transport

  1. Besoom
  2. Huge mortar and pestle
  3. Hut on Chicken Feet
  4. Giant black cat
  5. Chariot pulled by winged goats
  6. A chair with a thousand ravens tied to it
  7. Turns into a swarm of insects
  8. An Umbrella
  9. Flies without mechanical aid by lifting themselves up by their bootstraps
  10. Literally anything they can smear Flying Ointment on

12 Sources of Power

  1. The Land (Everyone knows the best witches are grown in the mountains)
  2. Ancestry, its witches all the way down
  3. The Fey, all that time spent around mushrooms as a kid
  4. Infernal Pact, specifically with a black goat
  5. Inherited the power from another witch on their deathbed
  6. Was the 8th child of an 8th child, don’t let on to anyone that you’ve got wizard magic
  7. People just started assuming and after a while it turned out they were right
  8. Blood, sweat, tears and a long apprenticeship to a senior witch.
  9. Possessed by an ancient body-swapping hag
  10. Sheer willpower, really a can-do attitude and a drive to fix the lives around you is enough
  11. Everyone has a nipples-in-10 chance of being a born witch.
  12. Actually listening to all your grandma’s folk wisdom

 

Tiffany Aching by Benjamin Scott

20 Signature Magical Tool

  1. Witch Ladder aka a Shamble
  2. Athame and Boline- KNIFE WITCH
  3. Book of Shadows/Diary
  4. Nithing Pole, flayed horse skin and skull on a pole. METAL
  5. Mask(s)
  6. Copious Jewelry
  7. Needles (Knitting/Sewing/Surgical/Poking)
  8. Oven Cauldron
  9. A telescopic 3-in-1 Wand/Broom/Spear Combo Tool
  10. Turpentine and a good Cussing
  11. A pair of mirrors
  12. Smudge Sticks, oooh this one smells like cinnamon
  13. A cast iron pan
  14. A saucer and an inkwell
  15. A spade/shovel/pickaxe
  16. A collection of humorously shaped mushrooms
  17. A golden stamp/seal
  18. A variety of colored lenses
  19. A big creepy lantern
  20. Distaff and spindle

100 Quirk- May or may not be true

  1. Long nose with olfactory strength of a bloodhound
  2. Has two bodies and one soul, bodies get more clumsy the further they are from one another.
  3. Can step outside their own body and roam as a spirit, body is inert.
  4. Is fatally allergic to water, but can be reconstituted and revived by pouring a heaping spoon of sugar into their melted remains.
  5. Has a creepy collection of dolls who may or may not be haunted.
  6. Has a clockwork heart and cannot die while it continues to tick
  7. Communes with bees
  8. Can sour milk with a word, useful for making cheese
  9. Can speak at length to various barnyard animals on topics so boring that the animal falls over dead
  10. Knows the “Horseman’s Word” and can freeze any Odd-Toed Ungulate in their tracks
  11. Is unable to pass through a room containing a colander without having to stop and count all the holes.
  12. Has terrible Iron Teeth that can bite through anything
  13. Has to answer any riddle posed to them
  14. Only speaks in iambic pentameter
  15. Can talk objects into life
  16. Weighs as much as a duck
  17. Can turns folks into a newt (and other amphibians)
  18. Can build surprisingly sound structures out of baked goods.
  19. Collects toenails of their victims to personally give to Hel
  20. Their heterochromia allows them to invoke the Evil Eye and dispel it
  21. Has several score tiny angry “fair folk” at their beck and call
  22. Is blind, but has honed their precognition to the point that they always see a few seconds into the future.
  23. Hair can move independently of body and has the grip strength of an octopus
  24. Can produce 8 gallons of ectoplasm daily
  25. Casts no reflection or shadow, can’t be photographs or otherwise depicted through art
  26. Comes in the night with a huge sack to take away naughty children
  27. Can stretch their limbs 50’ and snatch up unsuspecting victims
  28. You can hear their teeth grinding a mile away
  29. Can breath underwater
  30. Cannot be touched by fire
  31. Can steal your name and give you an awful one. 
  32. Can call up a terrible storm with the help of a coven of 3 or more
  33. They are actually made of wood
  34. More warts than face
  35. Can attach their senses to other creatures, see what they see, hear what they hear etc.
  36. Weaves the names and fates of those in region into a vast tapestry
  37. Keeps a demon and a hoard of treasure in their basement
  38. Know the exact time and place of their own death and cannot be fatally injured before then
  39. Can open their mouth so wide that the top touches the sky and the bottom plummets to hell
  40. Grows into a terrible giant when provoked
  41. Turns wicked folks into pigs and keeps them on their farm
  42. Knows how to do the “Pig Trick” without a pig, much to many other witches’ shock and disgust
  43. Skin changes color depending upon their mood
  44. Can stand so still that they blend into the background
  45. Can choose to make no noise whatsoever
  46. They are immortal until they find their one true love
  47. Is a master of Unfission and is in fact several dozen witches. 
  48. Can age up or down anything they touch, doesn’t affect overall lifespan though
  49. Is actually an imp piloting a corpse
  50. Knows how to enchant beans and salt to drive away ghosts
  51. Knows where the [Magical Weapon] of Destiny is and who is destined to wield it
  52. Anything they yell becomes locally true, they dislike noises louder than a whisper though
  53. Lives through time backwards
  54. Is able to balance and judge any argument for an outcome best for both parties
  55. Any bag, pocket or hat works like a Bag of Holding for them
  56. Knows a tune that can rise the dead and make them dance
  57. Thawed out from a far northern Kingdom
  58. Their eyes glow with the strength of a bullseye lantern
  59. Only sleeps for 1 minute each day
  60. Has terrible claws that can cut through steel like butter
  61. Any affect that would scare lesser folks simply makes this witch furious
  62. Can control sand, they’re the Sand Witch.
  63. Can make a delicious soup from any ingredient. ANY
  64. Can somersault and roll down hills like a wheel…or A BUER
  65. Can put an entire kingdom to sleep in they put their mind to it
  66. Can change sex at will
  67. Is the sibling-in-law to the current King/President/Warlord
  68. Is actually a banished fairy noble, cursed to human skin
  69. .Breath is so bad it wilts flowers
  70. Has one withered arm and one HULKING MONSTER ARM
  71. Is physically harmed by sincere compliments
  72. .They are invigorated by nasty remarks
  73. Their words can literally cut
  74. They are only able to show one emotion a day.
  75. Has a weakness for especially gaudy jewelry, but can instantly appraise anything
  76. For the right price, they can regurgitate exactly what you need.
  77. Can speak out gold and jewels
  78. Can speak Toad Words
  79. Keeps dozens of jars of marbles, they are all the lost memories
  80. Can speak an Earworm that slowly fills up your thoughts until it hatches from your skull
  81. Practices Hardcore Astrology
  82. Knows the language of birds, also they are very easily annoyed
  83. Deaf, but has heard everything ever whispered
  84. Each part of the witch is independently alive and mobile, will rebuild themselves if hacked apart
  85. Has a garden that grows a tree from anything planting there, the fertilizer is something eldritch and terrible
  86. Has a tongue of Lead and a tongue of Silver, capable of speaking horrid truths and sweet lies simultaneously.
  87. Is filled with a terrible ichorous corruption, The Orkus
  88. Can control the land of their home region as well as they could control their own hand.
  89. Is a close personal friend of Sasquatch
  90. Knows the method of producing mirror honey
  91. Meeting eyes with the witch will reveal to them all your terrible 3 AM secrets.
  92. Is covered in tattoos depicting sentient Stories that they have tamed.
  93. Is a metal witch-shaped cauldron: the actual witch is the sentient brew inside. Doesn’t move but just appears in places, casts spells through boiling broth fumes
  94. Scooped out their own brain, they cannot be scryed, their thoughts cannot be read, their emotions cannot be altered.
  95. Can suck out your soul and stick it into a jack o lantern
  96. Has been North of Reality and back.
  97. Makes deals with devils, always comes out on top somehow.
  98. Can turn hearts into powerful protective amulets.
  99. Legendary “hag,” Roll 3 times
  100. Roll 20 times, they ordered pretty much everything from the “Wicked Witch” collection in the Boffo Catalogue
Trash Witch by Charlie Ferguson-Avery

 

Three Sisters by Alexander Shatohin

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