d100+ Stupid Sexy Cryptid/Monster Generator

Stupid Sexy Cryptid/Monster Generator

For all those people who want to date the Mothman or Venom or Biblical Angels or Nessie I guess. 

D2 Can you date them?

1. Yes
2. YES

D4 Preferred Time of Day

1. They’re a Morning Monster
2. Twilight, ooh so dramatic
3. Only comes out at Night, like the rest of us
4. THE UNKNOWABLE SPANS OF THE 13TH HOUR

D6 Temperament

1. Shady Bitch
2. Mischievous Gobbo
3. Shy Smol, not necessarily reflective of actual size
4. Angry, but hot
5. Beautiful, but stupid 
6. INTENSE ALL THE TIME

D8 Theme

1. Analog Horror
2. Urban Legend
3. Old Folktales
4. Cosmic Monstrocity
5. Alien
6. Modern Mythology
7. Liminal Nightmare
8. Body Horror

D10 Rumor/Gifts

1. Will show up if you look in a mirror and say its name three times while spinning clockwise. They like beauty products.
2. If you stand on that haunted bridge at the right time, you can hear them cry. Give them a jar of your own tears, alternatively tissues with lotion are nice too.
3. Their presence quickly drains all electrical (or magical) power from devices. They’d really like some longer lasting batteries. 
4. Their lairs can be identified by great quantities of black slime and ooze. They’d honestly love some scented soaps.
5. Everyone who has gone looking for them eventually disappears, never to be seen again. They’re polyamorous and really like gifts that tell them something about you.
6. Their footprints are found fairly regularly, even if the scientists don’t believe the casts. They would appreciate some tennis shoes that actually fit.
7. They haunt abandoned places of urban decay. They collect a very specific sort of knickknack.
8. Anywhere they reside slowly warps into something strange and otherworldly. They enjoy similarly creepy gifts, it is an aesthetic choice for sure.
9. They choose a single victim that they stalk until the curse is passed on. They’re really hard to buy for, maybe try something homemade?
10. They totally like you but are too shy to admit it. Just talk to them damnit 

D10 Where is it from?

1. They’ve been here all along
2. The Stars
3. Another dimension
4. The Dreamscape and/or Under your Bed
5. An unholy union between man and monster
6. Escaped lab experiment
7. A collectively manifested tulpa
8. A spreading curse/illness
9. Directly from Hell
10. Lost evolutionary line or Lost Island or Inner Earth?

D12 Common Feature

1. Faceless
2. Chimerical 
3. Uncanny Valley
4. Everything Is Too Long
5. So, so many teeth
6. Huge, meaty tongue
7. Tendrils, many many tendrils
8. Horns, ribbed for–
9. Contortionist flexibility and twitchy
10. Big, strong claws
11. Lots of eyes
12. No shadow

D20 Common Ability

1. Possession
2. Hypnosis/Mind Control
3. Selective Invisibility
4. Precognition/Prophecy
5. Telekinesis
6. Dream Manipulation
7. Shapeshifting
8. Shadow Control
9. Short range teleportation
10. Aura of Fear
11. Flesh Manipulation
12. Electro-Magnetic Interference
13. Apparent Immortality
14. Size manipulation
15. Bi-Location
16. Flight
17. Immense Strength
18. Heightened Senses 
19. Apparent Indestructibility or Extreme Durability
20. Converting Victims e.g. vampires, werewolves

D100 Quirks

1. Really big, like holy shit Kaiju sized. How has nobody found them yet?
2. Ity bity! They can fit in your hand
3. Their presence dims all light sources
4. Their presence causes headaches in the more psychically attuned
5. They are driven off by some specific sign or sigil, such as religious iconography or the Elder Sign
6. They come with a terrifying Steed 
7. Their presence attracts a variety of strange, unnatural insects. They might actually be MADE of insects.
8. They disguise themselves as ordinary, even perhaps especially sweet, humans. 
9. They were cursed into the present shape by
   1. A Wizard
   2. Another Cryptid
   3. Their own vices
   4. Delving too deep into awful knowledge
   5. Ancestral/Generational Curse
   6. Abuse of a cryptid derived drug
10. Poltergeist activity becomes increasingly intense as they linger in an area.
11. They disguise themselves as a clown, for some god awful reason.
12. They can travel through:
    1. Radio Signals
    2. Television
    3. Water
    4. Trees
    5. Dreams
    6. Mirrors
13. Has 1d6 extra heads
14. Has 1d6! Extra limbs, beyond what would be expected
15. Their appearance is so horrifying that they are frightened of their own reflection
16. Knows the name and location of anyone who speaks their name
17. Is known in other circles as a Demon
18. Is able to harness and manipulate very specific phobias
19. Any water they touch is converted into some other strange ichor or fluid
20. Their Unreal Shape is pulled from humanity’s own shattered collective consciousness
21. They are completely unique, there will only ever be one of this creature truly existing at any one time.
22. They are one of many, it is honestly surprising that we are not tripping over them constantly.
23. They are technically undead and adhere to many of those related tropes.
24. They are merely a limb or an appendage of a higher dimensional being dipping into our 3D space.
25. They are not entirely bound by conventional causality
26. They can phase through most objects.
27. They feed primarily off of
    1. Fear
    2. Orgone
    3. Blood
    4. Delta Waves
    5. The static in your television
    6. Literal Garbage
28. Can move in the Ana and Kata directions, can pull a victim (or lover) along with.
29. Cannot knowingly be photographed or recorded.
30. They can remove their various appendages and reconnect them without apparent harm
31. Their genealogy is somewhere on this chart.
32. Secretes a bioluminescent fluid
33. Can unhinge its jaw and swallow exceptionally large prey.
34. Is exceptionally sticky
35. Has vicious spines, 50% chance retractable 
36. Fangs are coated in a
    1. Deadly Toxin
    2. Powerful Aphrodisiac
    3. Hallucinogen
    4. Mutagen
    5. Paralytic venom
    6.  Amnestic
37. Eyes glow brightly in the dark
38. Has a tail
    1. It is long and sinuous
    2. It is thick and powerful
    3. It has a stinger at the tip
    4. It is lined with fins
    5. It is as dextrous as a human hand
    6. It is very fluffy
39. They have both secondary sex characteristics
40. They have neither secondary sex characteristics 
41. They can change secondary sex characteristics on a whim.
42. Can slip through any crack, not matter how small
43. Can travel through corners
44. They appear differently to each person who sees them, even if multiple people are looking at them at once.
45. They exist slightly out of step in time.
46. They can reproduce asexually
47. They can move faster than the human eye can track
48. Is highly communicative but only speaks in riddles and rhyme.
49. They have extremely powerful pheromones that follow in their wake
50. They can split themselves into multiple smaller copies and combine into a whole again
51. Anyone in its sight is frozen to the spot
52. Becomes a frozen statue when someone can see them.
53. They lay eggs.
54. They viscerally mutate to respond to external threats
55. They’re actually a parasitic eel-like creature that inhabits another cryptid’s corpse
56. Has Wings
    1. Insectile
    2. Angelic/Bird-like
    3. Leathery/Bat-like/Demon-like
    4. Scaly/Dragon-like
    5. Biomechanical
    6. Fractile/Alien
57. They have a long sinuous neck, 50% chance neck can stretch infinitely 
58. They are rubbery, things seem to bounce right off of them.
59. How the fuck did Buer get in here? Go away! No one wants to date you!
60. Has a dire warning that they wish to convey to humanity, but their language drives mortals insane.
61. Has a long, prehensile tongue
62. No mouth should be able to contain that many teeth, like this is an absolutely preposterous amount of teeth.
63. Has ultra-sensitive whiskers or antenna
64. Rapidly phases in and out of existence when highly emotional
65. Can produce glass-shattering ultra-sonic screams
66. Can mimic any voice or sound they’ve ever heard
67. Is bound to a specific location
    1. A specific forest
    2. A specific town/settlement
    3. A specific landmark, such as a bridge
    4. Must stay underground
    5. Stuck between two leylines
    6. Isn’t actually bound, but makes people think they are
68. They are technically a fairy and are not very pleased with you referring to them as a monster.
69. Used to be a local minor divinity until belief and sacrifices ran thin, now they’re little more than a bogeyman.
70. They are a fully fledged fishman, gills, hand-fins, a love for boiled eggs, etc. This one’s for you Alex.
71. They are made from some sort of amorphous goop that can form into a variety of limbs, mouths, eyes and other things as needed.
72.  They disguise themselves (somewhat poorly) every so often to go into town and have some fun. Have a beer, take a pottery class, go bowling, that kinda thing. 
73. All of their stiff movements are accompanied by a cacophony of cracking and crunching noises.
74. Their seven fingered left hand drips with terrible cursed magics.
75. They’re actually the real Elvis.
76. Their mother is a witch, they still visit for the holidays. Maybe they can introduce you.
77. They once dated the Lindworm but have since purged themselves of such toxic relationships. (Buy Sleepaway)
78. They have pedipalps 
79. They’re technically a fungus
80. They use They/Them plural pronouns, Hivemind!
81. That porcelain mask is actually a part of their face.
82. Why yes, those are hooves. 75% chance cloven. 
83. No, those are actually poison sacks.
84. Their presence
    1. Causes grasses and flowers to grow
    2. Causes living things to wilt
    3. Causes everything nearby to become damp and drip
    4. Causes temperatures to suddenly soar
    5. Causes Temperatures to suddenly plummet
    6. Causes local entropy to speed up, causing rust and decay
85. Their saliva has healing properties. 
86. Their eyes change color to match their mood
87. They have a habit of eating and/or regurgitating the weirdest things.
88. They have a week-long life-span, but that’s okay they’ve got inherited genetic memory.
89. Their sexually active form is…rather intense.
90. They are only corporeal in moonlight
91. They can make wishes happen, but they’re always tainted despite any intentions
92. They’re currently on the run from a secret organization formed to capture and contain creatures like them.
93. They have specialized appendages for latching on.
94. They need constant new experiences to hold the ORKUS within them at bay.
95. Their every movement and action is dictated by some horribly complex set of ritual and rules.
96. They are the physical incarnation of your own twisted psyche, Silent Hill style. 
97. Starts every social interaction with “Be Not Afraid”
98. Roll on Quirks for as many cryptids you can name
99. Roll twice, you have two Stupid Sexy Monsters on your hands now.
100. Screw it, it’s just mothman. 

ALTERNATIVE TABLES

D6 Simple Environment

1. Aquatic
2. Terrestrial
3. Amphibious
4. Airborn
5. Interdimensional
6. SPACE

D12 Expanded Environment

1. Plains
2. Swamps/Marshes
3. Rivers
4. Large Bodies of Water
   1. Pond
   2. Lakes
   3. Loches
   4. Oceans
5. Deserts
6. Forests
   1. Tropical
   2. Temperate
   3. Boreal
   4. Coniferous 
7. Tundra
8. Mountains
9. Valleys
10. Airborn 
11. Interdimensional
12. Unbound

D10 Size

1. Insect
2. Cat
3. Large Dog
4. Deer
5. Human
6. Bear
7. Moose/Bison
8. Elephant
9. Giant
10. Unfathomable